Yuuri's Diar- Journal!
by Gilbird61
Summary: Yuuri makes me feel like there is a sea in my heart, in the depths of my soul, everything that lives in this colorful sea are all the emotions he makes me feel. - Viktor Gets dark in later chapters, multiple POVs.
1. Chapter 1

**This is a branch off of my previous story The Diar- Journal you can read that one first or this one. It's sort of a branch off not really connected I just got the idea from it sort of.**

Yuuri walked into his home pulling his luggage and Viktor, who was smiling like a maniac, in.

"Hey mom! I'm home!" His sister (not his mom) came running!

"Where is Yurio?" She said looking eager.

"Here." Yuri called from behind his massive body guard.

*fangirl squeals*

"Hi Yuuri, I have a pork cutlet bowl for you." Yuuri's mouth watered at the thought of a beautiful pork cutlet bowl his mom made. It's smell wafting from the kitchen, he soon found himself scarfing one down with Viktor beside him asking for one too while jumping up and down.

Yuuri was whipping his mouth when his mother set a leather bound book in front of him.

"What's this?" Viktor asked with curiosity painted in his eyes.

"It's a new diary for Yuuri, he used up his other one." Yuuri suddenly stood.

"Mom! It's not a diary, it's a journal, a-and it's not mine, y-you're mistaken!" Yuuri said all flustered.

"Awww, Yuuri, you look so cute when you're flustered!" Viktor pinched his cheeks and Yuuri swatted them away, grabbed the diar- journal, and ran to his room.

It's not girly, is it? Yuuri thought. He grabbed his old worn journal determined to prove that having a diar- journal isn't girly, but it's very manly. He flipped to the entry about the first time he saw Viktor skating.

 _His slender body swayed to the soft music, his head tipping back with his arms outstretched seeming reach for the crowd to pull on our hearts. In that instant, I fell in love, with his grace and the way his lithe body cut through the air, and the way the blades of his stakes scratched the frozen water. I think everyone fell in love with him, but I fell hard and fast._

 _Totally not girly._ Yuuri thought while biting his lip. Dream on Yuuri. He flipped to another entry, one that told of him skating to On Love Eros.

 _I made sharp turns, making them have a sexy edge to them, perfecting my jumps and making sure they don't look soft. In the beginning I didn't know who I was being sexy for, but by the middle I knew it for Viktor, the beautiful legend who sways with grace and sexiness. I knew I would never be better than him, but the fact that he wanted to be my coach makes me strive to for the perfection. I pivot into my final pose, arms wrapped around me, I turned to face Viktor, inspecting his eyes, I found surprise evident in his, what most would say, cold blue eyes. But the warmth of them enveloped me, making me feel proud of myself._

 _This is what love makes some feel, so it's not girly, but not entirely manly either._ A knock came to the door, followed by a Russian accented voice. Viktor.

"Yuuri, are you ok?" concern laced his voice.

"Yeah, I'm going to the hot springs." Yuuri grabbed a towel and some clothes.

"Ok, may I join you?" Yuri blushed and hesitantly said

"S-sure."

 **Reviews are the only food I get! Review! I edited (sooo hard to say) it.**


	2. Chapter 2

**This one's for iridescent08 enjoy!**

Yurio was waken up by Yuuri and Viktor yelling in the hot springs.

"Ugh, I can't sleep, those idiots are too loud." Yurio whispered under his breath. _I'll read my journal until they are done in the hot springs_. Well, It's gonna be a while, Yurio.

Yurio tip toed to his bag that had all of his necessities. He dug around his bag until he felt a furry object. Yes, Yurio has a fur covered journal with tiger print on it.

He flipped to a random page and got this:

 _Today that dumbass, Otabek, told me to get on his motorcycle, I got on, BUT, I didn't want to get on that thing, with him. I had too. I was in a tough situation, fangirls, ugh. Yeah, I totally didn't want to go on._

 _You know what! Fuck this, its my diary or journal, I really like Otabek, he is the coolest person I know right now, ok! He is a nice person, you know, and he seems to like me. But he gives me this feeling, I feel like someone is squeezing my heart in their fist forcing it to pump harder, faster. But at the same time, I feel my heart expanding, fighting the hand that is hurting me. I feel like he can hear my heart, I feel too open around him. I guess love does come with pain. What am I saying?_

 _I love him, so much. That hand has disappeared, my heart is expanding, maybe a little too much. I'm not ready to tell Otabek. Don't you dare judge me, I love a guy a little older than me and he's a guy, and I'm a guy. Ugh, Yurio, pull it together, this doesn't mean I'm gay, right?_

 _Never mind that, when I skated to On Love I felt like it was for him. He makes me feel like a half black half white rose sinking in an overflowing cup of water, so ready to spill my emotions but something inside me screams no, but at the same time, something screams yes. I don't know what to trust, black or white? Yes or no? Go with the current or stay sinking? I don't know._

He flips to another page that's about Viktor.

 _Why must he be so beautiful!?_

 _It's like he wants my heart to be pulled out of my chest, it's like he's coaxing it to come out of my chest._

 _He almost makes the cup that holds my delicate rose get hit by a tsunami, he is so close to breaking the fragile glass that protects my soul. Is he trying to make me fall apart?_

 _Otabek, he cracked the glass. That hand is back, it's fear, fear that if he hurts me I will fall apart, but either way I'm breaking, in the process of keeping my feelings a secret a hand is forcing it's way into the glass that holds me, reaching for me, to pull my petals off._

 _I'm so scared._

Tears were cascading down Yurio's small face, they look like small crystals falling freely from his usually piercing eyes, they are showing extreme sadness, they look almost deep blue, like the sadness was so strong it darkened his beautiful eyes. He never heard the soft foot steps that came towards his room, or the soft sobbing that joined his with equal sadness embedded in the young man's cries.

 **Sorry guys, this one is short, I'm going to change the summary.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Alright here's another chapter, thanks for following favoriting and reviewing, you guys are the people that keep me writing.**

 _In the Morning_

Viktor ran down that stairs with Yuuri trailing behind him, he had to find where that wonderful smell was coming from!

He went to the kitchen to find Yuuri's mom making Miso Soup, a common breakfast in Japan.

He also found Yurio and Otabek sitting at the table. It seemed like unsaid words were hanging between them. _Oh Yurio, tell him you love him already, everyone but you guys know that you're deeply in love. Люблю_ (love in Russian). Everyone was eating the soup in dead silence, then Yurio suddenly stood up and said

"I'm going to practice, bye!" He grabbed his bag that was beside him, slipped on shoes and ran for the door.

"Uh, I'm done eating." Otabek washed his dish and went up stairs.

"Ok, I'll be in my room!" Viktor shouted, abandoning his dish and sprinting to his room to write about Yuuri.

He grabbed a piece of scrap paper and wrote:

 _He makes me feel like there is a sea in my heart, in the depths of my soul and everything that lives in this colorful sea are all the emotions you make me feel. It hard to explain the one emotion that stains my soul red, it's hard to describe, it's like trying to describe the most beautiful music to someone who is deaf, or trying to describe this world of color to someone who is blind, it's impossible, completely utterly impossible! But, somehow, someway I feel like you know this feeling, because when I look at you I see the blood red color in your soul, red, the only thing that comes close to describing this wonderful feeling that has flooded my heart._

Viktor smiled at the what he wrote, he was satisfied that his feelings could pour onto paper and morph into these words. He crumpled up the paper, because he knows no one could love him after what he did, not even sweet Yuuri, _how could someone like Yuuri love someone like me?_ Viktor asked himself.

 **Don't forget to review, the more you review the more likely I am to continue this story, and sorry for this being late, school stuff, and it's short hmn.**


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm sorry that this was late, I had a writing block (I think that's what you call it?), you guys know how it is. Anyway, please review! It's the only way I know you really like it! Thanks for sticking with me and don't forget to read my one shot called the Diar-journal!**

 _I would never drive that knife through him, to make him go through such agony. To let the curling flames consume him, never, never, NEVER! No matter how selfish I become I will never let him try to bear this weight with me._ Viktor thought as tears rolled down his pale face, appearing as if he is a marble statue whose ice blue eyes melted creating the color of _sorrow_. As the artist of his own pain, there is too much _sorrow_ on the brush that has possessed it. The paint running through the hollow marble is slowly staining his soul a deep and painful blue, like poison swimming in a river of blood. The paint called _sorrow_ is swirling, and flowing deep within his red soul that was once the color called _love_.

Viktor thinks of the moment over and over again. The moment that he felt the gun released the bullet. The simple metal that is capable of mass murder, capable of cutting through the air, of bending the rules of gravity. So simple, but fast enough to not be seen by the naked eye, but loud enough to burst someone's ear drum He also remembered the moment the smooth metal tip broke the surface of his father's skin and how the loud bang erupted onto the street, waking the neighbors with a sharp sound that pierced their ears. Then, after he saw the life drained from his father, Viktor smiled thinking _Its finally over!_ He laughed in that moment out of pure, white, happiness, completely oblivious to the fact that it would haunt him later, that it would twist him and make him think backwards, that it would become the brush he holds in his hand now.

Yuuri heard a stifled sob as he passed Viktor's room, heading for the bathroom. A confused expression met his soft features. He slipped down to the wooden floor, silently thanking the graciousness that came with his talent of skating. He softly pressed his ear up against the, what he thought, was a closed door. Viktor started mumbling under his breath and Yuuri tried to press his ear harder against the wooden door only to have it swing open and reveal a sobbing Viktor.

"Yuuri?" Viktor only cried more at the sight of the young Japanese skater. Yuuri started to walk over to Viktor, but Viktor let out a strangled cry.

"No!" Yuuri stopped dead in his tracks. "Leave, please, just leave!" Yuuri looked like he was on the verge of tears having been rejected by the love of his life.

Yuuri sprinted out of the room and into his own. His heart going a mile a minute, with a million thoughts racing through his head. The tears strolling down his face seemed to go unnoticed.

 **Please review**


	5. Chapter 5

**_Its been a while. Whats up followers and other people I sucked at the last chapters but a friend of mine motivated me to start again I will fix the other chapters eventually._**

 _To know that you can never have someone could kill you, could turn your soul a deep dark black. Like your heart is a waterfall that is being blocked by fear, the infinite amount of emotions are filling the finite space. It can make your heart constrict making you the bringer of your own destruction. To have no choice but to let your emotions seep into other things, to hurting someone you hold dear to your heart, someone like Yuuri, beautiful Yuuri, every time I see him a piece of me dies. All I want to do is reach out to him and embrace him, to have his soul be close to mine. But the fear of being rejected by the Japanese figure skater held me back._

 _To see the rejection unfurl in his bottomless eyes would be the death of me. It would be the equivalent of almost being burned to death, in explicit agony._

 _I did not know that love could cause such immense pain._

 _I could pretend that I never shot my father, that I didn't do a formidable thing._

 _No._

 _No. I can't. I couldn't betray him like that._

Every ray of hope Viktor had diminished. He collapsed on his bed feeling shattered. A steady stream of tears creating a pool in the sheets.

Yuuri was still phased by Viktor lashing out at him it felt he had taken a vice to his heart. It had been 2 hours since their encounter and Yuuri had worked up the courage the tiptoe back to his true love's room.

When he softly pushed the ajar door open further. He was met with the sight of Viktor rocking in the fetal position with silent tears dripping from his unseeing wide eyes.

 _Holy shit._ Yuuri could tell he was having a nervous breakdown.

Yuuri flew to his side screaming his name trying to get him out of his trance and successfully grabbing the attention of everyone in the house's.

 **Please review.**


	6. Chapter 6

**ChocoCroissant9** **\- THANK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Really thank you soooo much you made me so happy I loved your review please keep doing your long reviews!**

 **midnightsky0612** **\- YOU STAYED WITH MEEEE! Thank you tooo because you reviewed and favorited and followed EVERYTHING! Thanks for sticking with me!**

Otabek's POV

I threw open the door and saw Yuuri yelling in Viktor's ear trying to get him out of his stupor.

I froze at the doorway, not knowing what to do and falling into a stupor of my own.

 _Flashback Time! Some years earlier_

 _I walked into ballet practice and saw a beautiful boy with shoulder length blond hair that shimmered in the sun and sea green eyes and a little scowl on his pale soft face._

 _I gasped a little at the sight of him, but I quickly composed myself, what was I thinking he's a boy how could I swoon over a boy! I cursed myself for falling for this boy so young._

 _I tried to suppressed my feelings with no avail._

 _When saw the angelic skater years later I found myself wanting to touch him and wondering if his lips were firm or soft against mine. I shuddered every time he stepped into the room and was mystified when he skated._

 _I refused to admit to myself that I was in fact gay for this 15 year old angel named Yuri Plisetskey. The result was me in the same position as Viktor, but know one knew I was having a sexuality crisis._

 _Ever since I met Yuri I was never the serious person in the background that was my facade, I was now nervous and jittery only wanting one thing in the world._

 _The Angel on Earth._

 _Back to the Present!_

 _Yuri shook me back me back to reality by the shoulders._

" _Viktor is in the hospital, so come on you dumb fuck let's go." Yuri pulled me by my hand and threw me in the passenger's seat._

The ride was half an hour, many words are going to be said, but the narrator doesn't know them yet.

 **Please review and stuff thanks and I fixed some typos, I should get other people to read my stuff before I post. Mm whatever!**


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